“Wayne used to say that there were two things you could get as much of as you wanted during the war – drugs and booze,” remembers Sharon with a heavy sigh. “So when he came home, it was no surprise that he did a lot of drinking. And when he drank, he would talk about the terrible things he witnessed and cry.”

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Despite the trauma, Wayne and Sharon worked hard to create a good marriage and build a beautiful family together. They had three children – John, Amanda and Timothy – who are the lights of Sharon’s life. The road may have been rocky, but it led to a good life.

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A Different Time

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Today, PTSD is widely recognized as a serious medical condition and treatment is readily available. However, when Wayne returned from Vietnam, the term PTSD did not exist. In fact, it did not become a mental health diagnosis until 1980, and even then, treatment was scarce. In addition to the lack of help they received, Vietnam veterans returned home to scorn and hostility because the war they fought in had become unpopular.

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Although these men put their lives on the line for their country, there was no welcome home parade for Vietnam vets. It was considered an “unwinnable” or “lost war,” that left the country divided. The Vietnam war claimed the lives of more than 58,000 American service members and wounded more than 150,000, and the men and women who served survived unspeakable horrors, and yet, they were not met with fanfare when they returned home. This added its own form of trauma.

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Shell shock, battle fatigue, and Post Vietnam Syndrome were all names given to the symptoms of PTSD before it became an official diagnosis. While it’s now estimated that about 31% of combat veterans who came home from Vietnam have suffered or continue to suffer from some type of PTSD, it wasn’t talked about back then. There was a stigma associated with any type of mental health issue. In fact, it was common for doctors to tell veterans that there was “nothing wrong with them.” To make matters worse, a study found that approximately 1 in 10 veterans who served in Vietnam (more than 283,000 people) experienced PTSD symptoms four decades after the war ended.

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For years, Wayne suffered from nightmares, ringing in his ears (tinnitus), and severe anxiety without treatment. It wasn’t until he was nearly 65 years old that his doctors began prescribing anti-anxiety medications and recommending therapy, which helped, but did not provide complete relief.

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“He would have these bouts of anxiety and depression when he just couldn’t function,” said Sharon, her voice choked with tears. “There was one time he spent two months on the couch. He wouldn’t eat or talk. He would just stare off in space. It was heartbreaking.”

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Thankfully, Wayne did have an army buddy and close friend who served as a sounding board for many years. Talking to his friend, Jim, was a lifeline for both men. With post-war PTSD, there are often feelings of isolation, survivor’s guilt, and self-blame, which can only be fully understood by someone who has shared those experiences.

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In Remembrance

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Sadly, Wayne passed away due to a heart condition in 2024. He was only 74 years old. Sharon believes that all the years of struggling with PTSD contributed to his death. While he was working and busy, he seemed to be able to keep the demons at bay, but after he retired, the bouts of anxiety occurred more often.

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While Sharon and their children miss Wayne dearly, they remain a close-knit clan. Sharon sees her grown children often and has nine grandchildren and one-and-a-half great grandchildren (there is one on the way!) to keep her busy. Wayne’s memory lives on in this growing family.

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The men and women that came home from Vietnam may not have received the hero’s welcome they deserved, but there is now a Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund, as well as a Vietnam War Commemoration Day which falls on March 29, to help us honor and remember those that served. Of course, to the families of Vietnam veterans, including Wayne’s, they will be remembered as heroes with love and gratitude.

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After living for so many years with someone who suffered from PTSD, Sharon has some advice for others: “First, don’t be afraid to get help and talk about the trauma. Second, don’t take everything a person suffering from PTSD might say personally. They can lash out and say hurtful things, but it’s the trauma talking. And finally, I would say just keep loving and supporting that person as much as you can.”